WASTED DAYS!

DAMN, I get so mad at myself! I wasted another day! So unproductive. I can’t get back the day I lost. Why am I so tired all the time!! Medication restraint keeps me confined. It slows me down…brain lock down. Some days I can hardly move. And u wonder why 50% of people with bipolar aren’t taking their meds!?!? Quality of life is compromised for quantity of lethargy! I could go off these bipolar meds and take the chance of possible destruction but I know in my heart I will not survive another episode. So I continue the daily fight to keep my eyes wide open until I have to raise the white flag and succumb to the dream state.

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Comfortably unknown

Sometimes I prefer to be comfortably unknown. That’s where Bipolar keeps u. People don’t really want to get to know u, once they know! It’s kind of comical in a sense watching others squirm in your presence. Family members want to know how u are doing but will never bring up that buzz word BIPOLAR!! I keep those in my life that accept my bipolar as a part of me but to tell u the truth…there is not many that will. I don’t think that will change in my lifetime! I might be imprisoned in a mind of bipolar but at least I am not locked in an institution for the rest of my life. The world is changing slowly, I hope that someday, progress and technology will eliminate the evils of mental illness among other illnesses and disease!

Re-teaching my brain

Everyday is a struggle. Memories are difficult to recall! Words are hard to find! It’s like having brainfarts with every sentence you try to say! I can’t Remember birthdays, appointments, names, events, dates, places, things…well…just about everything! Some people would call it being senile or Alzheimer’s! I call it a residual effect of a bipolar event! I am trying everything and anything to get my brain to function properly! I have to say some days are better than others! It’s been a slow process but I am happy to say I remember that Thursdays are trash pick up days. I have only forgotten a few times to make my husbands lunch! The thing that is most different with me now is I used to always be prepared and organised. Now I just procrastinate and I am lucky if I get the task completed on time! I can’t keep up with the demands that I used to! Superwoman NO MORE! I haven’t given up!! But I might just forget to try, lol!!!

ISN’T IT FUNNY HOW…

Isn’t it funny how you’re not taken seriously because u have a mental illness?!?! How your viewed as someone that has no cognition skills!! More or less cared for as if u were brain dead!! Or treated as if u have no feelings or emotions! Just like that healthcare worker that talks really loud to u and super slow so u can understand them better! I am not deaf and I am not dumb! Why are they talking to me like I am??? Or they view everything that u say as a blatant lie. I was asked by a healthcare worker onetime what I did for a living. I said I was a nurse! He said “your not a nurse, that’s such a lie!” I said “go look in my purse, my nursing license is in there!” He said “good one!” He laughed and then walked away! That was pretty degrading to me! Good grief! If people in the healthcare business treat u like this, what is the general population going to treat u like? I already know…it’s best to keep your diagnosis under wraps. Even if they find out later and they accepted u when they didn’t know, when they do find out…they treat u like u have the plague!! SMH!!!

Do hospital staff listen…it DEPENDS!!

I am on a locked psych ward! I go up to the window that separates the staff from the patients and ring the buzzer. A male nurse takes his time walking to the window, it was apparent that he was annoyed at my interruption. He says “what can I help u with?” I said ” I am constipated, can I get something to relieve it?” He said “when was your last bowel movement?” I said “it’s been a week!” He said “that’s not possible!” He then said “wait here, I got something for you!” He came back and threw a bag of DEPENDS diapers at me and said “if u have to go, go in them!!! Oh and from now on you can only come to the window no more than once a shift!” He shut the window and walked away! WOW!! Talk about degrading! Inmates in prison get better treatment than this!

THAT MOMENT WHEN…

HAHAHAHA! THAT MOMENT WHEN…WORDPRESS emails u that YOU LIKED YOUR OWN BLOGS and they messaged me congratulating me for exceeding my record of most LIKES in a day! Heeeeeeelarious! The comical thing about the record I broke is…nobody other than myself has liked my material!! OH MY FRICKIN WORD!! This is ludicrous…cracking myself up!! Have a glorious day bloggers:)!!

I SHOULD THANK MY LUCKY STARS;)!

I am entertaining myself this morning, lol:)! Yep…I hit STAR STATUS🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟, over and over again! I just figured that I would FAVORITE myself and WHY NOT!?!?! I can rate myself…RIGHT?!?! The STARS are aligned right, the moon is illuminating my face! I wish I may, I wish I might, I wished upon a star tonight! It’s time for my dreams take flight!
I SHOULD THANK MY LUCKY STARS!! Thanks stars🌟🌟🌟;)!
Wish me luck bloggers;)!

DO U THINK YOUR’RE BEETHOVEN?

I was tapping on the keys of a piano located in the dayroom of a locked psych ward. I was just minding my own business when a male nurse interrupted me and asked “DO YOU THINK YOU’RE BEETHOVEN?” In my mind I was thinking WTF KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!! So I stared at him a bit with a mean, irritated look and replied “BEETHOVEN IS DEAD”! You want to talk about baiting a patient…well…that’s what just occurred! Later on, my husband told me that the nurse called him and said that I thought I was the famous composer Ludwig Van Beethoven!! Wth!!! Really!! I can’t imagine the shit that was charted about me…WOW!!

WHAT KIND OF NUT ARE YOU?

bipolaraftermath's Blog

Hmmmmmm! That’s a nutty question! I am certainly not a peanut in the shell which I would consider shy and introverted. A pecan….don’t think so! That is more of a conceited snobby nut. How about a almond…nah…I’m not a fun, outgoing nut! I can’t say that I am a walnut either…strong, silent type that seems to be a good listener because they don’t converse! I think I might connect more with the macadamia nut…WILD, EXOTIC and UNPREDICTABLE!!! Haaaaaa! It sure takes a NUT to WRITE ABOUT NUTS!! My thoughts exactly when referring to psych professionals…most of them are nuts themselves!! Do you agree???

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WHAT KIND OF NUT ARE YOU?

Hmmmmmm! That’s a nutty question! I am certainly not a peanut in the shell which I would consider shy and introverted. A pecan….don’t think so! That is more of a conceited snobby nut. How about a almond…nah…I’m not a fun, outgoing nut! I can’t say that I am a walnut either…strong, silent type that seems to be a good listener because they don’t converse! I think I might connect more with the macadamia nut…WILD, EXOTIC and UNPREDICTABLE!!! Haaaaaa! It sure takes a NUT to WRITE ABOUT NUTS!! My thoughts exactly when referring to psych professionals…most of them are nuts themselves!! Do you agree???